Emphasis on RANDOM. This blog post has absolutely nothing to do with anything. Not sure if I should say, “Enjoy!” or “May the odds be ever in your favor”…
As a kid, I thought every movie was filmed like Boyhood.
Growing up, I thought that one actor played a character in a movie, regardless of age changes throughout the storyline. So if a movie included flashbacks to a character’s childhood, I thought the film crew had to shoot those scenes when the actor was a kid and then wait 20 years to film the rest of the movie when the actor was an adult (super practical and efficient). I remember being in awe of movies that flash-backed to when an adult character was a baby–what commitment! And: How’d they know the baby would want to act when it grew up?!
I don’t know at what age I finally figured out that it was two different people playing the same character, but it blew my mind. I then immediately felt like a complete idiot.
Would you rather have your text messages made public or your phone’s camera roll?
Ohgodohgodohgod. At first it seems like a no-brainer: Hell no am I letting my texts go public. But … those selfies. You know those days when your outfit is straight fire and you nailed your eyeliner and you are just FEELING YOURSELF and have to snap a selfie or two … hundred. And the result is 10,000 versions of the same pose with just sliiiiight variations (angry RBF, less-angry RBF, smize hard, smize harder, slight chin tilt up, slight shin tilt down) and you’re just trying way too hard in all of them, and you have enough shame not to post them to social media but also enough narcissism not to delete them … yeah those can’t see the light of day.
Then again, who knows what’s buried in the archives of my text messages.
Publish the damn selfies.
I need to figure out a way to be tan without real tanning or spray tanning.
I love having a tan. My body looks leaner and more defined, my face looks clearer and less blemished, and I can finally use the #tangoals emoji skin-hair combo. (I mean that’s what life’s all about am I right or amiright?!) Tanning beds are absolutely not an option, but I’ve always hated spray tanning. It smells weird, it stains white sheets and clothes, and when I sweat during workouts or teaching, it runs everywhere and I end up looking like I’m covered in dirt streaks. It’s a total mess. If anyone has some product recommendations or other tips for getting a faux glow, holler at me!
I don’t understand people who listen to music while the television volume is also on.
You know that part in A Clockwork Orange where his eyes are being held open and he’s strapped into a chair being forced to watch traumatizing video footage as part of the aversion therapy? I relate to him on a very deep level when I’m sitting in a room with the TV on and someone starts playing music. The walls start closing in, my palms get sweaty, the noise seems to get louder and louder, I can’t concentrate on anything–it’s maddening! I won’t even watch a damn Snapchat story with volume if someone in the same zip code is watching television.
Aaaaand then there’s Joe.
Music blasting in the apartment, turns on the TV, and then starts watching a loud YouTube video on his iPhone. WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK. It causes me to panic. I frantically search for the remote control and beat the living shit out of that mute button, trying urgently to dismantle the bomb that’s about to explode in my brain. And then we both just sort of stare at each other as if the other is insane. Good times, good times.
Are Mike Pence and Bart Bass the same person?
Every time Mike Pence is on the television, I get a fleeting rush of excitement thinking Gossip Girl reruns are on. Chuck Bass’ dad? Is that you!? Am I losing my mind or are these two men the same person:
And there you have it. The most useless blog post you’ll read all day.
- Texts or camera roll made public?
- What weird misconceptions did you have as a kid?
- Any faux tanning advice for someone who sweats for a living?
Happy Friday! I’ll be back to the health-related content next week. Thanks for indulging this ramble. 😉