Five Random Thoughts

five-random-thoughts-decemberEmphasis on RANDOM. This blog post has absolutely nothing to do with anything. Not sure if I should say, “Enjoy!” or “May the odds be ever in your favor”…

As a kid, I thought every movie was filmed like Boyhood.

Growing up, I thought that one actor played a character in a movie, regardless of age changes throughout the storyline. So if a movie included flashbacks to a character’s childhood, I thought the film crew had to shoot those scenes when the actor was a kid and then wait 20 years to film the rest of the movie when the actor was an adult (super practical and efficient). I remember being in awe of movies that flash-backed to when an adult character was a baby–what commitment! And: How’d they know the baby would want to act when it grew up?!

I don’t know at what age I finally figured out that it was two different people playing the same character, but it blew my mind. I then immediately felt like a complete idiot.

Would you rather have your text messages made public or your phone’s camera roll?

Ohgodohgodohgod. At first it seems like a no-brainer: Hell no am I letting my texts go public. But … those selfies. You know those days when your outfit is straight fire and you nailed your eyeliner and you are just FEELING YOURSELF and have to snap a selfie or two … hundred. And the result is 10,000 versions of the same pose with just sliiiiight variations (angry RBF, less-angry RBF, smize hard, smize harder, slight chin tilt up, slight shin tilt down) and you’re just trying way too hard in all of them, and you have enough shame not to post them to social media but also enough narcissism not to delete them … yeah those can’t see the light of day.

Then again, who knows what’s buried in the archives of my text messages.

Publish the damn selfies.

I need to figure out a way to be tan without real tanning or spray tanning.

img_6074I love having a tan. My body looks leaner and more defined, my face looks clearer and less blemished, and I can finally use the #tangoals emoji skin-hair combo. (I mean that’s what life’s all about am I right or amiright?!) Tanning beds are absolutely not an option, but I’ve always hated spray tanning. It smells weird, it stains white sheets and clothes, and when I sweat during workouts or teaching, it runs everywhere and I end up looking like I’m covered in dirt streaks. It’s a total mess. If anyone has some product recommendations or other tips for getting a faux glow, holler at me!

I don’t understand people who listen to music while the television volume is also on.

You know that part in A Clockwork Orange where his eyes are being held open and he’s strapped into a chair being forced to watch traumatizing video footage as part of the aversion therapy? I relate to him on a very deep level when I’m sitting in a room with the TV on and someone starts playing music. The walls start closing in, my palms get sweaty, the noise seems to get louder and louder, I can’t concentrate on anything–it’s maddening! I won’t even watch a damn Snapchat story with volume if someone in the same zip code is watching television.

Aaaaand then there’s Joe.

Music blasting in the apartment, turns on the TV, and then starts watching a loud YouTube video on his iPhone. WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK. It causes me to panic. I frantically search for the remote control and beat the living shit out of that mute button, trying urgently to dismantle the bomb that’s about to explode in my brain. And then we both just sort of stare at each other as if the other is insane. Good times, good times.

Are Mike Pence and Bart Bass the same person?

Every time Mike Pence is on the television, I get a fleeting rush of excitement thinking Gossip Girl reruns are on. Chuck Bass’ dad? Is that you!? Am I losing my mind or are these two men the same person:bart-bass-mike-pence

And there you have it. The most useless blog post you’ll read all day.

Your turn:

  • Texts or camera roll made public?
  • What weird misconceptions did you have as a kid?
  • Any faux tanning advice for someone who sweats for a living?

Happy Friday! I’ll be back to the health-related content next week. Thanks for indulging this ramble. 😉

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Comments

  1. I used to love watching Gossip Girl! Though I was a little disappointed with the ending.

  2. Bart Bass!! I might vote for him…

    Text can go public because they are usually so damn boring. I though a Thanksgiving breakfast turkey was normal until very recently and I’m pale AF…no advise there.

  3. Ashley Hamilton says:

    OMG Mike Pence is Bart Bass!

  4. My fiance ALWAYS watches videos on YouTube/Facebook/wherever while he has the TV on. Usually this happens while I’m trying to fall asleep in the bed next to him. UGHHHHH!!!!

  5. Omg, I love this post. It basically looks like the series of texts I send my husband throughout the day. Seriously, a random thought pops in my head and I don’t even hesitate, I just send it, even if he hasn’t responded to my last random thought yet.

    I think I’m with you. You can have my bajillion selfies and also bajillion pictures of my dog sleeping. Not that my texts are all that much more exciting.

  6. Firstly, OMG Mike Pence is Bart Bass! Secondly I would rather the photos… Mainly cause my texts are terrible. When I was a child my dad explained electricity to me. But (as mum warned) I was really a little too young to hear it. She asked me to explain it to her and was apparently pretty smug and amused when I started telling her about ‘different types of little men running around in circles”<< Pretty close I think!

  7. Corinne Coates says:

    Please share any recommendations for sunless tanner! Not only do I have all of the problems you mentioned, I’m pale AF. I have yet to find a product that doesn’t look super orange on me, but completely fine on all of my slightly darker compected friends.

  8. You are absolutely hilarious.
    Camera roll all the way. Although I do have a tendency to send my boyfriend pictures horrendous photos of when I get hella awkward tanlines in the summer and questionable bruises

  9. COMPLETELY agree with the simultaneous audio! My husband does this constantly and all I want to do is scream and throw things. So stressful!

  10. The actor that played Bart Bass lives locally to me on Long Island. We see him occasionally. Mostly in the summer on Fire Island. Yes, now that you pointed it out, it does seem Mike Pence and Bart Bass are the same.

  11. Texts, one time as a kid we were driving towards the city from the mountains and the lights were twinkling and I asked my dad if it was because people were turning their lights on and off at different times….

  12. Loving this post right now. Keep them coming!!! no self tanner tips over here …live in FL and abuse my skin like no other. Terrible person – I know I may look 70 when I am actually 60…I am working on it.

  13. Shelby Lanting says:

    All day EVERYDAY this stuff: http://www.beautycounter.com/skin-care/oils/lustro-shimmer-oil-1.html

    It is AMAZING! And it is safe. No toxins or chemicals and it is super high quality. I am serious…THE BEST.

  14. 15minutestofit says:

    Text, tanning and television.. I’m right there with you on all three! I would never want my text to be seen. Tanning, I give up; I’ve embraced the casper look in the winter. My husband is the same with music, watching t.v. and volume on his phone.. drives me absolutely insane!!!

  15. I love reading random musings on blogs! Hope you of more of these! And yes I also thought movies were filmed with the same actor regardless of the character’s age :/ And I also had the same thought -“How lucky that the kid actually turned out to be a good adult actor!” Not our fault they don’t teach you these things in school!

  16. I love your random ass posts!

    Texts or camera roll made public? Oh wow. This is a terrifying dilemma. I would say camera roll because it’s pretty safe, but then I remembered I took a picture of my vagina recently because I was convinced I had a cancerous lump in there. #hypochondriac. Texts would be awful because I “vent” a lot about certain people, like co-workers and such. Ok, I choose camera roll. We all know what a vagina looks like.

    What weird misconceptions did you have as a kid? My aunt had a golden retriever named Denmark and I thought his name was Deadmark until I was an adult. Also, I wanted to marry my mom when I grew up. I didn’t get why that couldn’t happen.

    Can we get one random post a week from you? Kind of obsessed.

  17. Go to Pure Glow Tanning on Newbury Street. No chemicals, not toxic, all organic. Yes, they are spray tanners but its not sticky or anything!! They are amazing!

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