As I’ve just got back from a week in Las Vegas, the unhealthiest city in the whole entire world, I thought it fitting to post a workout that you can do anywhere—hotel rooms included.

This 20-minute workout requires no equipment. Set an interval timer for 30 rounds of 30 seconds of work and 10 seconds of rest. You’ll go through the following sequence five times.

• One-leg burpees (right): Keep your left leg tucked up while you complete a typical burpee: Squat down, placing hands on the ground in front of you, carefully jump back into a plank position, jump back up to squatting, then stand up and jump upwards with arms in the air.
• One-leg burpees (left)
• Crab cross-body toe touch: Start on all fours in a crab position. Kick your left leg up, touching it with your right hand. Repeat with opposite limbs.
• Elbow plank hops: Start in a plank position. Jump feet to the left, back to the center, to the right, back to the center, and so on.
• Squat jumps with alternating side leg lifts: Legs wide apart in a deep squat position (the sumo wrestler stance), do a jump squat, land back in starting position, then lift left leg straight out to the side, keeping right leg bent. Jump squat again and repeat with the right leg.
• Seated ab scissors: Sit down, slightly leaning back with hands on ground behind you lightly for support. Lift legs about ten inches off the ground and crisscross them back and forth, switching one on top of the other.

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You rarely see fat wild animals. It’s really only when humans get involved that our furry friends start packing on the lbs. Since clearly animals are doing something right, I decided to mimic their moves for today’s workout. Plus, I’m a sucker for gimmicks and themes.

As a warning, you’ll be putting weight on your wrists throughout most of this workout. Warm them up with wrist circles and stretches.

(On a side note, am I even conscious in the frog hop picture below?? Probably should have banished that beauty to the Bloopers Album.)

Set an interval timer for 30 rounds of 30 seconds of work and 10 seconds of rest. You’ll do six rounds of the following sequence:

• Frog Hops: Squat down, legs wide apart, with fingers touching ground. Jump upward like frog and land back in starting deep squat position.
• Spider(man) Lunges: Start in plank position. Bring left foot up towards left hand in a deep, planked lunge position. Alternate sides.
• Crab Kicks: Start on all fours in the crab walk position. Kick one leg up and then the other, alternating at a quick pace. This is meant to get your heart rate up, and in keeping with this fast pace, there should be a “jumping” of the feet as you kick from one foot to the other.
• Bear Crawls: There’s no way to do this exercise and not look like a tool bag, so check your pride at the door. On your hands and feet, in a piked position, walk forward on all-fours. When you run out of room, walk backwards. Bear crawling backwards is more challenging than forwards so make sure to go in both directions during each interval.
• Down Dog Push Ups: Even if you hate yoga as much as I do (I would rather watch paint dry while listening to Ryan Lochte interviews on repeat than take a yoga class), you’re probably familiar with the down dog position. Start in it and then do pushups, lowering the top of your head towards the ground. This is great for strengthening your shoulders.

I’m sad I couldn’t somehow incorporate my favorite animal into this workout, but seeing as snakes don’t have arms or legs, it’s nearly impossible to mimic their signature moves.

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After you finish this workout, you’ll understand why hockey players have such phenomenal butts. That whole low-friction surface thing is no walk in the park.

As a devoted boycotter of expensive gym memberships, this is one of my new favorite workout routines. You’ll need two dishtowels. That’s it. No fancy equipment. Now, you may recall me embarrassingly admitting that for this chair workout I had to go to my parents’ house because…I didn’t own chairs (I do now!!! I’m a grownup!!). But even I own dishtowels.

If you have a hardwood floor, that’s ideal, but if not (I don’t have one of them thangs either…damnit), do the workout in your kitchen. I’m assuming you don’t have a carpeted kitchen. That’d be…different.

Towel Workout Breakdown

Use 30-second intervals of work followed by 10 seconds of rest. You’ll go through this sequence 9 times, for a total of 45 rounds. This workout takes 30 minutes, but if you want to cut it back to 20, just go through the whole sequence 6 times instead. Complete as many reps of the exercise as you can (without sacrificing proper form) during the 30 seconds of work.

• Sliding Plank Crunches: If you’ve ever used a power wheel/ab roller, you’re familiar with this move. Start in plank position with feet on a towel. Slide feet forward in unison, tucking your knees into your chest. Slide them back out into starting plank position before repeating the crunch tuck.
• Sliding Side Lunge (Right): Start standing with your left foot on a towel and your right foot on the ground, shoulder-width apart. Slide your left foot out to the side, bending your right leg in a deep squat. Stand back up, steadily sliding your left foot back inward.
• Sliding Side Lunch (Left)
• Sliding Mountain Climbers: Start in a plank position with a towel under each foot. At a quick pace, slide one foot up, bringing that knee to your chest, and alternate, sliding the other foot up as you slide the first foot back. Just like a traditional mountain climber (horizontally running in place), only keeping your feet on the ground.
• Reverse Plank Heel Slide: Start in a bridge position: shoulder blades on floor, knees bent with feet on a towel, butt lifted. Slide your heels out on the towel, keeping butt off the ground and body in a straight line, until you’ll outstretched in a reverse plank position. Pull heels back inward until you’ve reached your starting position. This move targets your hamstrings. And by “targets” I mean “f#@*ing brutalizes.” In a good way.

Sorry for the poor photo quality with this post. Shooting at night after work leaves me with two crappy options: washed out flash pictures or grainy dark pictures. One day, when I’m a professional blogger, I’ll have all the sunlight and daytime hours in the world to take beautiful pictures. Until then…

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Ironically, I don’t own a chair (#postgradproblems). My parents, however, own many, and I did this workout when visiting them one weekend. I’m going to get right into the breakdown of the exercises and skip the witty banter this morning because I think the part of my brain that comes up with clever things died between hours 10 and 11 of Country Fest on Saturday.

Set a timer for 40 rounds of 30 seconds of work and 10 seconds of rest. You’ll go through the following sequence 5 times:

• Step Ups (Right) Start with right leg on the chair and left leg on the ground. Step up, bringing left knee into chest. Come down and repeat.
• Step Ups (Left)
• Elevated Knee Tucks: Start in a plank position with feet on chair. Tuck one knee into chest, then the other, and continuing alternating.
• Alternating Leg Lifts: Start in a reverse plank position: legs on chair, butt lifted off of ground so that body is in a straight incline. Lift one leg straight up, perpendicular to the ground, lower, and repeat on other side.
• Elevated Lunge Jumps (Right): Start in a split lunge position with left foot on the chair and right leg on the ground bent at a 90-degree angle. Jump up into the air, keeping left leg on chair, and land back in the starting position.
• Elevated Lunge Jumps (Left)
• Triceps Kick Dips: With hands on the chair, dip down so that elbows make (close to) a 90-degree angle, and as you lower your body, kick one of your legs straight up. Lower leg as you raise your body back up. On your next dip, kick up your other leg, and continue to alternate.
• Hanging Knee Raises: Support yourself on your hands, hanging between two chairs with knees bent. Tuck knees up into your chest and then lower.

10 brownie points for anyone who can find the spelling error in the above picture tutorial. 20 brownie points for anyone who can’t. (Country Fest got the best of me, cut me and my broken brain some slack.)

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